What do I do when I don’t know what to do?
I wait.
Sounds so easy, but waiting is probably the most challenging task I do.
You see, I’m a planner. I make plans, and I accomplish goals. Every day I make choices that move me toward my goals.
But, sometimes the plans I make, take on a different shape along the way. And because my ideas are an extension of my identity, it is easy for me to crater when the projects don’t go my way.
Like today. At the beginning of December, I set a goal to write and publish one blog post a day until Christmas. A risky goal for a novice writer to make.
What would I write about? Who really wants to read it? What difference does it make?
What happens when I have nothing to write?
Because that day will come.
Well, it came today. Uncertainty staring back at me from the computer screen.
First, my mind gravitated toward saving face. “I can use something I wrote a long time ago. But what does that have to do with Advent here and now?”
Pondering that question, gave birth to another question, “What do I do if God doesn’t give me the words?” Which really means, “I can’t control this anymore, and I’m uncertain about how it’s all going to turn out.”
And then, there it is, the real issue. I live in an uncertain world.
This is why I need Advent.
The gift of Advent is a new birth or beginning. But, the slow process of Advent is shrouded in secrecy, uncertainty, and darkness, much like life. Only God knows what will happen, and I can’t control any of it.
Advent teaches me to wait for the process to unfold. For in waiting, I embrace uncertainty and allow God to weave each tiny, piece together to create the whole picture. With waiting comes a hidden grace. When I let go of my plans and expectations, my worry and anxiety – all encased in my desire to control – I find peace.
Peace… that God is present, and all is as it should be. Complete.
So, there it is. In waiting, God wove my uncertainty into words that brought the gift of peace.